if the burden seems too much to bear remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

Post-prom depression is terrible
to go back to normal
after nothing but planning
months on end
spent in anticipation
now crashed and burned
it's all over.

I'm just counting the days
to next weekend
missing you so much
I wish I didn't
but I'm glad I do
so glad I met you
you're my official distraction
the object of my daydreams
and night dreams
and can't-sleep thoughts.

I wish you went to my school
it would give me a reason to treasure the week
instead of just slugging by
wishing for the weekend.

I hope you know I didn't mean anything shady
by telling you "my family wont be home."
I'm not like that
but neither are you
I can tell you're a gentlemen.
I just was hoping for the freedom
that comes with one whole day
with the car to myself
and no one home to ask me where I'm going.

Because they can see it in my eyes
and they say to each other
"Carrie's falling in love.
We must stop her before it gets too far."
They refuse to accept
their baby girl
first-born
all grown up.

My mom is a master
of the guilt trip
but this year
I've gotten so
I really don't care.
I'm going to stay out 'til I want
take advantage of her trust
no curfew.
And I don't give a crap when she says
"You never spend time with your family anymore."
Because I've been putting in time with them my whole life
and now it's my turn to get out of jail.

She can't pretend it's not real
can't pretend she's never felt this way
even though I am still in high-school
with my post-prom depression.
I've heard her stories of crushes and boyfriends
she she can't deny that
the way I'm feeling is serious.

I'm so seriously into you
I can't focus
and the week drags by
'slow as molasses'
my friend Laura would say.
It feels slower than that.
Especially when the only chances I get to talk to you
are in spite of nagging voices saying
"Get off the phone.
Go to bed."

I want you to know
all I want to do is be held
in your arms once again
spend my 7 day sentence at your house
this weekend can't come soon enough
I can't wait to take that picture.

My parents are afraid to give me a car
because they know I wouldn't ever come home
I'd spend every waking minute laughing
with you
and only come home to go to bed.
I wouldn't care if I had to pay for my own gas
and insurance
and everything.
It would all be worth it to see you.

Post-prom depression
I need to channel all this distracted energy
into something "worthwhile"
instead of letting my grades hit the floor
and writing poems 8th period.
Poems like this one
that isn't really even a poem
just a collection of thoughts
with "returns" in between.

I tried to play the piano yesterday
becuase I've never felt so great a need
to let out the music of my soul.
I wish I could write
but first I have to rekindle my skills
so rusty, used so long ago.
And I can't play my guitar with these darn fake nails on
I want to get them taken off
becuase they're not me at all.
But at the same time I don't
because they're my last physical remnant
of that magical experience.

I'm so excited and so impatient.
But at the same time I'm scared
that I'll end up lost
separated from God
because you have so much influence on me
I don't want to be hurt
I don't want to go to Australia
with history.
I want it to last
not forever probably
but for awhile at least.
You control my feelings
and your feelings could send me plunging
into a pit of endless depression
worse than post-prom.

But I don't want to worry about that
all I want to think of is this weekend
and seeing your smile
and playing our CD
in my awesometacular van
driving who knows where
doing who knows what
except we will take our picture
I know that for sure.
I just want to see you again
bask in your smile.

I was going to write a paper this period
I wanted to make myself do it
But alas, I couldn't.
I just had to spend my study hall
writing an epic half-poem
just to tell you
"I miss you."
It was well worth it.