if the burden seems too much to bear remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

So Friday was awesome. Hung out w/ RB from after school till 11. So awesome. But then when I got home my mom was super mad, as I knew she would be. So she gave me a huge lecture...then I went to bed. Then I got up on Saturday and she was still mad. I hate that it takes her so long to get over things. I said I was sorry...there was nothing more I could do but she just wants me to take a magic wand and *poof* everything's great again. I CAN'T DO THAT!!! So I went to work and serioudly felt like I was about to either burst into tears or puke the entire time I was there. I hate it when she's mad at me. So I got home and finally we worked it out by yelling and screaming and crying at each other about everything that is stressing us out lately. I don't usually do that...I haven't cried in forever, but I've been so stressed lately, and she just capped it off. So after a long time we finally came to an understanding and weren't mad at each other anymore. I have more stress then she realizes, and I have to remember that she has some hard things going on right now. Don't get me wrong, I am really happy lately...this has been the best year of my life since we moved here. For the first time I feel like I have Ohio friends who actually want to do stuff with me. But I do have stress too...the lists, exams, college, family problems, my future career? It just seems like too much lately. I just need someone to be there for me sometimes, ask me how I am doing instead of putting more pressure on me. Because I am the champion of holding my feelings inside and not showing anyone how upset I am...most of the time I don't even realize it until something like this happens. I just need to get through this week...then it'll be summer and I can sort of relax more. Oh, one thing my mom did say is that she was jealous of all the things I do, and the great experiences I was having in high school, because she didn't do much...her parents were really restrictive. So I found that kind of interesting...my mom being jealous of me. Anyway, I have the perfect way to end the fight...I'm writing my tribute speech to her...lame, I know but it gets the job done.
So then we went to see Raising Helen...it was sad. And today I am still kind of sick so I'm skipping church. And then studying and then going to commencement. Oh joy. I feel bad cuz I haven't gone to any grad parties...but that would just make mom more mad at me for being away from home. Sometimes I just feel so ready to move out.